It's Not About You: 3 Steps for Dealing with the Actions of Others
I'm going to tell you something that has served me well throughout my life. It's been a key to the success I've had as a Feng Shui consultant and in other areas, and it's definitely one way to start being happier right way.
Accept that what other people do or say has absolutely nothing to do with you. There. I said it. I mean, absolutely nothing.
Once you learn this trick, and you can apply it in these three easy steps, you will find an end to worry and fear, and you will start to see major positive changes in your life.
Ready for it?
This can be hard for the ego to swallow, because, on some level, we all like to think we are the center of the entire universe. And while we all are connected by the universal energy, what other people do really has nothing to do with other individuals. Everyone is operating from their own past, their beliefs and their habits -- good or bad.
This is difficult to remember, especially when someone we care about uses words that hurt us or does something that makes us think we don't care. But when they do this, it's actually about them. It may hurt even more to consider that they're not thinking about you, but, with that knowledge, you can then release the negativity, pain and hurt. It's about them -- not you. The only thing you can control is your reaction to the situation.
So, here are three really easy steps to follow to begin living at peace and accepting that it's not about you. 1. Let it go. -
There is a Buddhist expression, Svaha, which means “offer it to the fire.” When we offer something to the fire, we are burning it up, releasing it forever, so that it exists only as ashes. It's gone. Many religious and spiritual practices use fire rituals as a way of releasing old, harmful emotions and situations. If it helps you, write down your emotions about the situation or write a letter to the person who hurt you, and then literally burn that letter in a small campfire or in your fireplace. If this is inconvenient or dangerous or it just doesn't feel right, simply offer your emotions to the fire by letting the situation go. 2. Shift your perspective. -
Sometimes called “re-framing” by psychologists and scientists, when we look at a situation from another person's point of view we can often understand their actions. This is often the best way to see, in practical terms, how it really is not about us. I talk about this more in my post “How to Feng Shui Your Life Perspective.” http://www.kenlauher.com/feng-shui-tips/bid/64375/How-to-Feng-Shui-Your-Life-Perspective3. Stop living life on the defensive.
- Another way to shift your perspective is to open your arms and your heart wide to welcome others, rather than living in a defensive frame of mind. When we decide to live with wide open arms, welcoming love, we abandon fear. We're no longer living as if we could be attacked at any moment. Instead, we learn to trust that everything the Universe sends our way, everything we attract to ourselves, is for good. Once we open ourselves to this trust, rather than looking for the ulterior motives in others' actions, we'll attract more good things to us.
Remember, you can't control other people's actions, only your reactions to them. Live with wide open arms and a trusting perspective, and you'll attract more things, people and situations in which to practice being happy and trusting.
What's your take on dealing with the actions of others?
Leave a comment below and let me know your best strategies for dealing with the actions of others. Your insights and comments will help thousands of people so don't be shy, OK?
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