Are you doing pretty well in most areas of your life, but still struggle with your romantic relationship? This time of year can be especially hard if you're in an unhappy relationship. But there's hope.

You can't change other people. (Don't you often wish you could?) How many times do people say, “Things would be so much better if only he (or she) would change”? It's usually futile and frustrating to try to change anyone else, but you can create powerful changes in your life when it begins inside of you.

Arthur Ashe, professional tennis player, once said:  “You’ve got to get to the stage in life where going for it is more important than winning or losing.” This can apply far beyond sports, to nearly any aspect of life.

If you are single and looking for romance, ask yourself: “Am I really 'going for it?' Am I taking chances without concern about the end result?”

It's easy to take a chance if you have nothing to lose, if the stakes aren't all that high to begin with. For instance, you might find it easy to go on a blind date, because if the person doesn't like you (or you don't like that person), you haven't lost anything other than one night and a few bucks.

However, it could be harder to approach a stranger at a party who you've already decided you like. If that person rejects you, you might spend the rest of the night feeling down or bad about yourself. It could even affect future dates by hurting your self-confidence. The stakes are higher.

Use Feng Shui to Boost Your Confidence and Take a Chance

The secret is to get to the point where winning or losing doesn't matter in anything you do. You can use Feng Shui to boost your confidence level so that whatever people think of you, it doesn't change your opinion of yourself. At this point, you'll take more chances. You won't hesitate to “go for it.” With this new attitude, you'll put yourself in more positions to find true love -- and truly “wow” people as you do.

Most people have far more regrets about “the one that got away,” or about things they wish they had done but never did, than about things they've tried and, perhaps, failed. If even a great athlete can say that it's not about winning or losing, you know it's true. To put a twist on an old expression: It's not whether you win or lose, it's that you played the game.

Take Action Now

What one step are you going to take today, right now, toward finding true love? What chance are you going to take? What are you going to do so that you can say you went for it? Comments welcome; I love your feedback!

Please share your successes, or just share how it felt to step out of your comfort zone below. And if you feel really serious about making a change in your current situation and get setup to make 2012 your best year yet, take a look at the Ultimate Feng Shui Makeover package.

Are you looking for ways to use Feng Shui to find true love? Feng Shui can be a powerful tool to help you find a boyfriend or girlfriend. Feng Shui, at its heart, is about aligning your outer world and surroundings -- your home, apartment, or office place -- with your inner goals. There are several ways this can help you find your soul mate.

Confident people are more attractive. Think about it: Who would you rather date? The shrinking wallflower who barely says a word at a dinner party, or the vibrant personality who bursts into a room and begins to make everyone smile? The second person exudes confidence, and this is tremendously attractive.

Follow these three tips to use Feng Shui to boost your confidence.

1. Hang mirrors high -- but not too high. A mirror hung near the door or in your entryway at the perfect height (so you can see your whole face and none of your image is “chopped off”) can make you feel great about yourself every morning.

2. Get out and exercise. The body is key to self-confidence. When you feel good about you and your body, that energy is reflected outward. You may walk a little taller, have a sparkle in your eye and have the energy and stamina to flirt with others. Take the time today to list one item you could do each week to improve your body so that you are feeling stronger, healthier and sexier.

3. Surround yourself with nice things. When you live in a home or apartment you're proud of and enjoy coming home to every day, you'll feel better. Make sure rooms are open and airy, leaving plenty of space for chi to flow. Surround yourself with objects that look nice and make you feel good; they don't have to cost a lot. Fresh cut flowers are a great way to remind yourself that you are worthy of nice things without spending a lot of money.

These proven Feng Shui tips can boost your confidence. When you're feeling more confident, you'll be in a better place to find a boyfriend or girlfriend.

The perfect romantic dinner, ideally, can end with breakfast the next morning. If you're dating with the intention to find a spouse, you're looking for a partner that you can connect with on every level. Conversation should flow freely, and the time should just fly when you're together.

You can use Feng Shui during a romantic dinner -- in the home or in a restaurant -- to help your companion feel comfortable. Follow these tips when you're dining out.

1. Atmosphere is everything - First, select a restaurant with overall positive Feng Shui and good chi -- not too active, but not dead. You'll want to assess the restaurant's front entrance:

- Is it open and inviting?
- Is it clean?
- Do the scents make you want to come inside and order?
- Is the staff friendly the moment you walk in the door?

Take a look at the seating:

- Is it overcrowded?
- Does it look comfortable?
- Is there a spot you and your date can have quiet conversation, or is the restaurant bustling with family activity that may not be suitable for a romantic evening?

2. Choose the right table - Don't be afraid to request a specific area of the restaurant or even a specific table. Look for a spot where you and your partner can both see the door, but not be directly in line with it, ideally. If one of you must sit with your back to the door, let your date take the better seat, facing the door.

3. Order food that will help you feel your best - Choose lighter fare that won't make you feel tired or bloated after the meal. Begin with a salad or light appetizer to help fill you up. Avoid pasta or anything in heavy sauces. Many fruits and vegetables are known aphrodisiacs. Also, you can use Feng Shui to order a well-balanced meal of many colors. And red food, according to Feng Shui principles, is good for your heart, as well as for romance. Go ahead, order the lobster!

The holiday season is often a whirlwind of activity -- travel, family get-togethers, time with the kids. Many parents are preparing right now for the holiday season with shopping, decorating and constant cooking. But no matter what's going on in your life, it's important to carve out time for romance with your spouse or significant other.

Feng Shui for a Romantic Dinner

You can use Feng Shui to set the stage for a romantic dinner. If your goal is to find a spouse and you're planning a dinner date at home, you can also follow these romance tips.

1. Create the right mood in the room - Dim the lights, and perhaps light some red or white unscented candles to create the perfect atmosphere. If your dining room or eat-in-kitchen area is less than perfect, those imperfections (along with reminders of everyday life) will vanish in the shadows, putting the focus on you and your partner.

2. Position the seats so that your partner is in the command position of the room. Ideally, you can sit so that you both have a view of the door or entryway, but not be in direct line with it. Likewise, try to avoid placing your backs to a window.

3. Add flowers for life chi - With the lights dim, you may want to use another Feng Shui remedy in order to enliven the chi in the room. A few fresh cut flowers on the table can do it. Don't overpower the table with a large centerpiece -- a single rose in a bud vase is elegant and life-affirming.

A recent article in the Financial Times talks about a new algorithm employed by Match.com that is designed to match users with more suitable mates based on their online activities at the dating site, rather than solely based on their profile responses.

The theory is that what people say they want and what they really want often doesn't match. You can use Feng Shui to determine if this is what you're doing to block true love from your life.

One way to do this is to make a list of all the traits you desire when you find a soul mate. Write down everything from physical appearance to personality traits to the job they hold. Then write down some of the characteristics of people you've dated recently.

Are you truly attracting what you want in a mate? Why didn't it work out with these people? Did you realize they didn't possess the traits you desire? Or perhaps these people are closer to what you want in a partner than you realize. Only you know the answer. But your home can also reveal some hints.

Feng Shui to Find True Love

Look around your home or apartment. Evaluate your furniture, the layout of the rooms, the items you display, even your wardrobe. Do they all reflect the type of partner you want? Or do they reflect the people you've been dating? Or worse, is your home or apartment not in line with your dating efforts at all?

The first step to find a soul mate is to decide exactly what you want. Your actions, then, should begin to match these traits. Make small changes in your home to begin to bring your home into alignment with your desires, and you'll create a positive cycle where your actions reflect your home, and the other way around. With all this positive energy around you, all devoted to attracting the partner of your dreams into your life, you'll start seeing results fast!

If you're looking to find a boyfriend or girlfriend, you may feel as if this goal is consuming your life. But then you look around your home or apartment and you realize you're living in a single person's paradise. Your home doesn't reflect this goal.

I don't believe in literally “clearing space” for a partner by emptying drawers or closet space. After all, we should live in a home that's well-suited for us and take advantage of the space we have in practical ways. (Many of my New York apartment clients are fortunate to have a closet for their own clothes, much less extra space to leave empty for a future partner!)

But a home that's ready for romance should be clean and organized. It shouldn't be decorated in overly feminine or overly masculine ways. This isn't about re-arranging your space to suit someone else; it's about making visitors feel comfortable.

The colors you choose for your space should be bright and welcoming, and create a sense of positive energy. They should make people happy when they enter your home or apartment. Peach is a great color for single people, especially in the master bedroom, since it attracts romance.

Another way to create a sense of “home” and attract positive energy into your space is by using your stove every day. Even if you only boil water for tea or heat up take-out, it's important to keep the chi flowing in the kitchen in this way.

Feng Shui is about aligning your space to create opportunities -- and then be ready for them when they come. Make small changes to your home or apartment in order to be ready for the opportunity to find true love.

In a recent post, I offered advice on love, sharing the steps to visualize your perfect mate and the feelings being with that person will evoke in order to find true love.

But in order to do this with the best results, it's important to not only picture exactly what you want in a romantic partner, but to write it down.

To get started, begin making a list of all the traits you desire in a partner. Remember, aim high! Don't settle. Even if your dream partner seems unattainable right now, he or she won't be for long, as you work on developing your confidence and believing you will find the exact person you desire.

When you begin making a list of traits, think about different areas that are important to you. Begin with:
- Personality traits
- Physical appearance
- Geographic location/where he lives
- Career/Income level
- Kids? No Kids?
- Religious and political beliefs/leanings
- Overall disposition (humorous, upbeat, positive, pensive, etc.)

You can see this covers nearly everything that makes up a person. Soon, you will even begin to see an image of this person form in your mind.

A Vision Board in the Romance Trigram

You may want to create a vision board that includes symbols of specific traits, words, or even photos of someone you believe might represent your ideal lover.

Have fun putting together your vision board. Take time to look for the perfect photos or stickers or draw out words and items yourself if you feel artistic. Manifesting the objects to fill your vision board is the first step toward attracting them to you.

It's a good idea to keep your vision board in one of the Romance/Marriage trigrams of your home, when you lay the Feng Shui Ba Gua map over your home or apartment. As a reminder, the Romance trigram is located in the back right corner of a home, apartment, room or yard when you stand at the front door or front of the property and look in.

I wouldn't be surprised if, after coming up with a clear picture in your mind and then finding a photo that matches, you meet that exact person, or someone very close. Feng Shui and visualization, together, are just that powerful!

Encouraging chi to enter the romance trigram of your home is a good first step toward attracting romance in your life. But what if you're looking for something more? If you want to increase the passion in your current romance, or find a new, passionate romance, consider activating positive chi using the fire element.

The Color Red in Feng Shui

Red, as we know, is the color of love. Chinese wedding gowns are red, not white, since this color is also said to bring good fortune. Red is also associated with the fire element.

Consider adding red objects to your romance trigram or your fame & recognition trigram (the very back center of a home, apartment or room), since this trigram is associated with the element of fire.

You can also use an object that is symbolic of fire -- something that gives you the sense of warmth of passion -- or actual fire in the form of candles. A pair of red candles placed in your romance corner can really set your love life on fire!

Too Much of a Good Thing

Be careful of incorporating too much red in your home, especially in the master bedroom. This color generates a lot of highly active chi. Mis-used, it can cause a home's residents to fight, become angry too easily, or, in the master bedroom, it can prevent a good night's sleep. Red should be used as an accent color only in the bedroom and kitchen. Since the kitchen contains the stove, it already has a strong fire element.

Balance the Chi

Good Feng Shui is about balancing the elements to attract what you desire in your life. If your romance could use a little spice, the fire element and the color red can help.