Avoidance As An Excuse
Posted by Ken Lauher
When you grab on to a self-sabotaging belief, it only serves to keep you marching in place. It's going to be very difficult... It's going to take up way too much of my time... What I want is too big... I don't have the money... and so on merely justify your inaction with an explanation. And once you've done so, you're free to enjoy the avoidance payoff.
I was a doctoral-student adviser at a major university for six years in the 1970s. I found that with very few exceptions, most doctoral students were able to complete the course work-but when it came time to write their desertation (which is a very involved research project that's generally the length of a book and must be completed to earn a Ph.D.) and then defend it before a committee of faculty members, many of them fell short.
They'd justify their behavior with I'm too busy... I'm not smart enough to write and defend a book... It will take a long time... I don't have the energy... and many more from the catalog of excuses. Such explanations were absolutely vital for those who were trying to avoid something.
Avoidance is a common and easily identifiable payoff, or the psychological reward that allows you to be somewhat at peace with yourself when you make self-thwarting decisions. The excuse becomes your ally, even though it's an ally that doesn't have your best interests at heart.
- Excuses Begone! by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
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